The frequency of Pain

It happened while I was returning from office in the tube. That middle aged couple was seated in front of me. The uncle hid his face in his palms; clearly in despair. Aunty was holding the uncle like we hold a small child. Her wrinkled fingers moving gently across his thinning grey hair. She wasn’t uttering a word; but I am sure her fingers said all that they had to. Auntie’s wine red eyes were evident enough to indicate that she has had her hours of grieving. And now it was the need of the hour to congeal stronger and calm uncle down who seemed collapsed. I didn’t want to; but I could really not take my eyes off them. The frequency of pain had matched; and I was taken on the same track; as theirs…

I was in no way similar to them. In nationality, age, phase of life…nothing. Yet I could relate to their unknown but obvious pain. I wanted to sit closer. Warmly press Aunty’s tired hands. Wipe off uncle’s tears and comfort him saying “its gonna be okay” even though I was far too younger to him. I wonder if there would be any way I as an individual in my trifle capacity could help them in their peril. I wanted to do was to tell them that they are not alone. But all I could do is pray. Pray wholeheartedly so that these strange relatives of mine attain solace in the best way possible. I didn’t apprehend the wet corners of my eyes till they swamped…again!

It took me aback. My soul bled as if after scrubbing the scar again. Even though my wounds were not very stale; they were not very fresh; too. I thought I was over them. But I guess I wasn’t. I guess I am not yet. I had dumped my memories deep down in the secret chamber of my heart…but some things knock the doors of that chamber. Which now was unbolted slightly and reminiscences hung over my consciousness.

Its not just Buddha; the ultimate sage’s theoretical postulate; but a vividly realizable fact that there is pain in this world. No human being survives without suffering. The flavors of pain are rather universal. Pain of separation from loved one(s)...maybe for a long while or forever... pang of betrayal… heart break high’s…victory of the wrong against the right…loss of wealth and might…crashed dreams…unfertile struggle…aborted wishes…unfair settlements…compromised existence...and so on!
Hasn’t any or many of such hues of pain colored life of each one of us except for none?
Yet; its so difficult to accept pain as it comes. Whilst at that moment; the entire world seems to sink. Life seems worse than death. The directions darken; and one wishes if only the earth would slit apart and one would hurl down the womb of Mother earth…away from all the consequences. And then the silver lining of the dark cloud shines. The essence I guess lies in beating that moment of peak of pain and standing up again. Many times not for yourself but for your dearone’s. You have got to grow much older than your age and take care of the others. Pain diminishes immaturity. It tosses ego so far that next time it would think twice before seeping down your elements.
Pain teaches you the value of people and peace. I recollect with gratitude till date and will always do, every single person with their kind gesture to comfort me or my family during our times of agony. It was the grief we were put through which brought us all so close; re-united together as a family, ripping off all our domestic differences. It broke my selfish window and made me susceptible to humanity…after all; compassion cannot subsist without sorrow. The anguish in my life redefined my ambition upside down and extended it beyond my personal pleasures. I don’t know how much I have succeeded so far or what length I can manage to go hence forth; but I dared to take a plunge; in my own insignificant way; to lit some lamps; wipe off some tears; spread some smiles…in spite of the Omni-present pain.
I had my trial and error method of overcoming. Some surrender to the Almighty; some turn atheist; some drawn in addiction; and some choose to just live with it for ever…

I recall an incidence that happened in one of the meditation courses I was attending.
In the middle of the session; another attendee received a call informing her that her hospitalized elder brother had expired; all of a sudden. Her emotional outbreak was evident from her squeal of cry. The situation was awful and I stood there numb trying to pacify her. Many of the other members vacated the room while a couple of us hung in there till she was under control. I usually refrain from sharing the past with nascent acquaintances. But in order to soothe her when we shared our stories, we gathered that each one of us who was lingering in that room after witnessing that dreadful scene; had a history…of pain…! And that same frequency has made me so vulnerable to the woe of these two strangers I met in the tube. I don’t have a clue as what happened to them later. I have no way to figure that out. Time is the greatest healer hence they would overcome their problem just like everyone else does. All I know is I had sincerely prayed for their solace. And I don’t care if such prayers matter or not in reality.

When the stanzas of Galib, imbued in purest form of ache and sung in soul grasping voice of Jagjeet Singh fall on ears from somewhere far away; when suddenly pastel figure of an innocent street child emerges in front of your vehicle and offers to purchase a garland; or when mother of a shaheed soldier appears on the news shedding silent proud tears…the frequency of pain pronto does its job and shoves me on yet another track…what about you?

-- Pradnya Joshi