कत्थक ..

In my mind I was obviously carrying a mixed bag of feelings – delight, excitement as well as anxiety while I filled the enrollment form…. I was finally going to start something I have been longing to do for almost a decade now.


I was only in class 7th and 8th during my toddler innings of Kathak. I recollect killing time in school for the thrill of rushing for my dance classes with my friend who stayed in the same building. Hunger otherwise hovering towards the end of school time would vanish God knows where. The fatigue of the entire day’s mugging would also not bother during those 2 hours of dancing on the guided verbal beats counted by my teacher. Learning the various Taals (Sorry! No synonym in English for this!) in forwarded in its patent tempos, practicing typical Mudras (facial expressions) and the most fascinating part was doing the Todaas as a team…all in sync. Same feet slapping on the floor at the same time, hands aligned in the same direction, maintaining the same niche of time while switching in between the Todaas… the resonance of everyone’s Ghungru’s jingling as one…it was like how thousands of sunflowers sway upon the swings of the winds together. Harmony was happening despite all our differences…so effortlessly…so beautifully.

Our good teamwork even invited some interesting stints our way. We performed on stage…before celebrities. For many social, cultural and even commercial events. Too young to be aware that we were gathering good matter to decorate our resumes, we went on dancing. We went on rejoicing. It was only during the performances, that I loathed my short hair and felt jealous of my other friends in my team who had long hair which would go very well with the traditional uniform of Kathak. My teacher had to take extraa pains to make a tomboy (that’was me) to get dressed as a Kathak dancer with Anarkali Salwar, wrist-full of bangles, dangling earrings, twinkling necklaces and loooong plait of hair decked with Gajraas(garlands)! These were also the times where we would get to officially do Make up without Mumma’s denial. I would keep it on and on till I slept( or till Mumma summoned to take it off) on the day of the performance. I hated my regular cloths on such days. Feasts and treats from parents and teacher usually followed the performances and those days were so special…we all felt like Miss India’s then ….

And shortly after the chirpy days were gone and the era of (so called) career building kicked off! My entire world revolved around some numbers flashing on the marksheets. The harmony, innocence and glee got replaced with competition, self-focus and tension. I was soon one of those zillions of people swimming upstream in the tide of struggle to “succeed”. My friend somehow refrained from this academic trap and continued pursuing Kathak. During these leaving years dance was a rare commodity for me and was limited only to socials in college fests and Garbaa in Navratri. However it was not unnoticeable how much I loved dancing. Whenever I got a chance I took quick dips in jive, salsa etc and even thoroughly enjoyed doing the silly “Ganapati dance” (NOM pls!). But whenever I went home and the voice of Ghungru’s came floating unto my ears from my friend’s window, they pinched my heart and reminded me that I was missing on something that was so so close to my heart and soul, upsetting me.

Years have gone by and my stereotypical IT personnel life has traversed its usual path…the Stress way!
I had given myself thousands of excuses why I couldn’t or can’t dance. I keep on doing things out of obligation of people’s opinions about me. Keep on ignoring the voices of my soul. Struggling to rush ahead while carrying my baggage of aborted projects, incomplete journeys and unfinished creation…

I had not realized that Dance was already acting as my sure-shot stress-buster even when I did not need it badly as today. Its only Art which has the supreme healing powers to absorb the stress and evaporate the same. And now as I have arrived at the point of “Enough is enough!” without even thinking about any consequences, I went and got admitted in a Kathak beginner’s program. Today was my first class. My new teacher asked me if I had learnt anything earlier and I simply denied for I wanted to start afresh. Devoid of any pre-conceived notion, any ego of “knowing” a bit of it. I took my first Tatkaar today and an anonymous joy filled my heart as if layers of my frustration fell of with increasing cadence of the Tatkaar.

I am in a batch of young school girls and I could see myself in each one of them. Most importantly, I just peeped in the mirror, and guess what? After long time and to my surprise, I saw myself there, too!!!

-- me!